God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
