i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
