Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
