Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
