i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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