You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you never un-have a 4some
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
