areolas are like halos for boobs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
