what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
