dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
