Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
