is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
