do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You ruined the universe
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
