All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
