apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
