Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
