The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
