please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
