My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
