I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
