I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
