Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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