She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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