i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Semen is not good for contacts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
