Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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