Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
