based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
