Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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