I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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