I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
