East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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