I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
