how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
