Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
