I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
