dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
