we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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