This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Even my vagina gasped.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
