direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
