I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I faked an abortion last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
