1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
