Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
