A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
