my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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