remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
