remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
