Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
