Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
