it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
