Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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