I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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