the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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