i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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